Pape's Pocket Papers Helpful Hints

Easy Eating: Peeling Bananas

The most consistently easy and trouble-free way to peel a banana is to pinch THE END OPPOSITE THE STEM between the thumb and forefinger of both hands, and pull apart.  No more stubborn, aggravating, resistant stems thumbing their woody little noses at you while the banana meat gets smooshed into pulp!  (Thanks, Richard F.)

Nutritious Snacks: The Perfect Chocolate Covered Graham and Milk Experience

I began using this technique when I was about 6 years old.  All my life I thought I was the only one... the lonely keeper of a divine secret that might one day, when the time was right, be released to bring peace and happiness to the world.  Today, on Google, I discovered another practitioner.  I don't feel so special any more, but I believe discovering I'm not alone is a sign that the world is ready and it's time to start spreading the gospel...

1. Start with a quality cookie.  Grasp it with your thumb and forefinger.
2. Bite a tiny piece off one corner.
3. Blow decisively into the cookie to locate any small airholes that may be present in the chocolate.  If you find any, cover them with strategically placed fingers.  It is important for the cookie to be air-tight.
4. Bite the opposite corner off.
5. Dip one opened corner into a glass of cold milk -- the colder the better.
6. Sucking on the other opened corner, use the cookie as a straw and draw the milk up into your yearning mouth.
7. The cold milk will soften and moisten the graham to the perfect consistency throughout.  The chocolate will feel firm and exuberant in contrast.
8. Repeat.  You deserve it.

Modern Hygiene

If you finally find the perfect nail clippers, after years of searching, HIDE THEM FROM YOUR KIDS!

Wash your hands for the length of time it takes to sing the Alphabet Song. Avoid pandemics!

WARNING: THIS MAY BE CONTROVERSIAL! Unroll your toilet paper from behind, nearer the wall. That way it's less likely to brush against your leg and spread germs.

 

Please enter your own tips for modern hygiene here.

Helpful Hints: HOMEMAKING

Tips for More Livable Living: HOMEMAKING

Please add your fine homemaking suggestions here!

Always run the garbage disposal before you run the dishwasher, or little shreds of lettuce will be glued to your plates.

Homemaking miracle! The "Cool Down" cycle on your dryer really does help keep your permanent press wrinkle free!

Breakfast delight! A nice shot of Stumptown Hairbender Espresso stirred vigorously into your cup o' regular joe makes for a stimulating pick-me-up each morning! (Thanks to K.A. for the great recipe...)

"Kitchen wicked..." Replace premium with generic by putting the generic in the premium's box... and don't tell anyone!

Comments

If you nick your dog's toenails in the course of trying to cut them (and they bleed a lot - let me tell 'ya) dip those toenails into cornstarch to stop the bleeding.

Posted by: The Wife | 07/06/2009 at 07:39 PM

Hairspray can remove ink from clothes. Spray and then blot. Repeat.

Posted by: Michelle | 07/07/2009 at 11:00 AM

The three second rule is void if there's tire tracks on it.

Posted by: Louie The Kneecap | 07/08/2009 at 10:32 PM

Buttering the aspirin is the easy part. Feeding it to the hung-over cat is another question.

Posted by: Louie The Kneecap | 07/08/2009 at 10:33 PM

A few sips of milk really does get rid of a burning tongue and mouth when you accidentally bite into a hot pepper. Did it today - was surprised at how quickly & completely it worked!

Posted by: The Wife | 07/09/2009 at 08:19 PM